You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
