No stitches, just platelets and will power
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
