i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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