I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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