I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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