I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
