He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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