I love black thongs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
