Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
