Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
God, I missed his penis.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
