I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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