i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
