Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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