sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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