dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
