I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize