Don't make out with my wife yet
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
