wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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