so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
