At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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