we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
