I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
