Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
