i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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