I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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