Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
