so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
