You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
