I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
