She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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