everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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