its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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