im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
