I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
