dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
