So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize