You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
