I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
