so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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