yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
