I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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