Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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