i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
