I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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