he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She needs sedatives and a leash
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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