Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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