She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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