You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
