im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
