i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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