"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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