not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
