Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
