Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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