His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
ok first of all what the fuck
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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