I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
