I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
