i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I will be naked everywhere
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
