its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you didnt know i had herpes?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
