I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
