you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
