When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
