I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
