It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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