Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
