I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
