The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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