here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
