WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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