If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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