Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
