mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
