Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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